Twas’ the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,
lights flashed on the tower and even the mouse.
The Webcams were ready, installed with great care.
In hopes that grandkids would be virtually there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads;
Mamma in her rocker, a tablet on her lap.
To check Santa’s route on Norads’ tracking map.

Last minute shopping, I knew it would matter,
Receipts from the printer were spit with a clatter.

The e-mails and texts began to beep and flash,
Away to the laptop I flew in a dash,
An e-mail from Santa, I pulled from the cache.
The sleigh was loaded, the springs sitting low
Boxes of computer games, only kids know.
Zombie Tycoon 2 for Tommy, Angry Birds for Sue,
Xbox, Wii, Playstation and Nintendo too.
Neither Mamma nor I had Santa forgot,
A wireless keyboard and mouse in the lot.

From a webcam mounted some far away place
An image so small, across the screen it did race.
What could it be I wondered, what would appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
I toggled the volume and turned it up loud
As his digital facade flew over the clouds

At the speed of Moore’s law his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Dell! Now, Gates! Now, Jobs and Wosniak!
On, Bezos! On Ellison! On, Hewlett and Packard!
To the top of the toolbar! The top of the screen!

Now pixels are changing, amazed by it all!
The picture expanded as closer he drew
His exact location surely only he knew.
But Google Street view offered a hopeful clue.
Just a click of the mouse, our house was in view.

With the sleigh full of downloads, upgrades and such
St. Nicholas too, might it be just too much?

The broadband was humming the router secure
A shiny new computer I’m sure will allure
Firewalls open for the jolly red elf.
Presents are coming, surely some for myself.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
A mystery for sure I pondered aloud.
Could Santa be real an answer I vowed.
An Internet search for the jolly St. Nick
“Santa Claus: could he be real” should turn the trick

Pages and pages of results did appear
To read them all might take ‘til Christmas next year.
My eyelids grew heavy then started to droop,
A short nap was needed so I could regroup.

Foggy and confused from my slumber I stirred,

“You’ve got mail,” from the speakers I heard.
An e-mail from Santa’s own smartphone it said,
A tight schedule barred his waking me he pled.
Presents for all under the tree he had spread.
Click here for a live video feed of the sled.

The digital image danced and sparkled bright.
Santa driving his sleigh on its magical flight.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

 

Need a Christmas present for that computer challenged friend?

Available from Amazon.com or Grumblesfromthekeyboard.com

Grumbles From The Keyboard: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Computer

Or just looking for a different kind of cookbook?

Epicuria: An Adventure That Really Cooks!

Who’s the Manager of this Task?

Windows 8.1 (and 8.0 if it hasn’t been updated) combines two familiar functions into one easy to use program. Task Manager has been a friend of ours since we learned CTRL - ALT – Delete. In addition to the three finger salute we can access Task manager by right clicking on the task bar on the Desktop and choosing Task Manager from the menu or bring out the Charms bar and type task manager in the search field.

The new Task Manager incorporates the Startup display which used to be found in an odd named program called MSCONFIG.

Task Manager is a useful diagnostic tool for troubleshooting slow startups, sluggish PCs or even assisting in maleware removal. There is a large amount of information displayed and organized for easy usage. Let’s look at some features of Task Manager and what we can use them for.

Upon opening Task Manager observe the seven tabs across the top. Click on the Startup tab to display a table of programs that are configured to start when Windows starts. We see the name of the program, the publisher, status and the impact the program has on our computer’s startup. Highlight a program and at the bottom a button becomes active allowing us to enable or disable the program from the Startup. Enable/disable does not mean the program is uninstalled or installed, it tells the program whether it can start when Windows starts or if it has to wait until we click on the icon for the program. Example: We look at the Startup and notice that our Garmin or TomTom updating software starts each time we turn on the computer. But we only update our maps twice a year. It makes sense to disable the software from starting with Windows in order to improve startup time and to free up resources used by a program we need twice a year. If we don’t know what a program on the list is, use a search engine to learn what it is and decide if it needs to start every time or is it something we can start when we need it.

Click on the tab labeled Processes. The list of processes tells us what Apps (programs) are running, which background processes are running and how many Windows processes are in play. Additionally, it displays what percentage of the CPU is being used by each process and the amount of ram memory utilized for each process. If we highlight one of the processes a button at the bottom activates and permits us to end that particular task.

If our digital domestique happens to get extremely slow we can check the processes to see if one program is consuming large amounts of CPU or Memory. If it is we can highlight it and end its misery.

Likewise in order to uninstall software it must be stopped if it is running. We can stop it from Task Manager.

Task Manager, put it in the computer toolbox.

Grumbles From The Keyboard: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Computer

Epicuria: An Adventure That Really Cooks!

Still Using Windows XP?

Support by Microsoft for Windows XP ended April 8^th. Since then the old e-mail bag has been groaning at the seams with all the questions being asked about what that means. Let’s answer a few of them and perhaps shed some light on this end of an era.

Column maven Irene writes; “I want to keep my old XP for letters, cards, etc. I have a wireless printer. I would like to take the XP off the internet. 1. How do I print if I take it off line? 2. How do I take it off the internet?”

Remove the XP from the Internet by unplugging the Ethernet cord from the wireless router to the computer. If using a wireless card, either unplug it or disable it in Device Manager. The easiest way to print from a computer that is off the network is via USB cable. Many printers can be set up to use USB and Wireless at the same time or purchase a printer just for the XP machine. If really ambitious, leave the XP on the network, close all TCP/IP ports except port 9100 which is used to communicate with printers. (Martha, what did he just say?)

Frequent reader Harry pens; “What happens if I just continue to use my computer as I always have. I have Norton for virus protection.”

From a user’s perspective, as time goes by, less functionality will occur. Software companies will no longer support their software on XP platforms. Reduced functionality of programs like antivirus, media players, web browsers etc., no more windows updates and sadly these machines if connected to the Internet will become targets for hackers to use for not only harvesting password and valuable information but they will use them as platforms for sending out malware to other machines. Recommendations if the XP is going to stay. If the XP machine hasn’t been updated regularly, surf over to Microsoft.com and manually download missing XP updates. As of this date they are still available on the Microsoft Download site. Uninstall or Update Java from www.java.com. Don’t run as Administrator, all XP user accounts are set as Administrator accounts, create another account and set it to Administrator rights, then change the current account to a limited user account. Now download an alternate browser such as Chrome or Firefox. Internet Explorer 8, the last version available for XP is a security sieve. Remove any old software no longer being used. Finally begin planning to replace the XP with a new binary buddy.

Thom inquires; “I want to recycle my old PC (with XP) and get it to the Recycle Center. I do not want any of my personal info to go out there, what do you suggest I do to ensure that? Wipe the hard drive? Best way?” Easiest way is to perform a system recovery and set the computer back to the way it was at purchase. A bit more complicated is to download and use drive sanitation software such as DBAN. (www.dban.org) Or to make the drive unreadable by removing it from the computer and either keeping it with you or get a hammer and release all your frustrations on the drive until it is nothing more than a lump of metal and parts. It can be cathartic.

Need something interesting to read? If you’re looking for general computer advice, Grumbles from the Keyboard is a collection of newspaper articles filled with useful and helpful computer tips and tricks. It is available at Amazon or www.grumblesfromthekeyboard.com.

Or, if you like to cook and want to read a very different style of cookbook, Epicuria: An Adventure that Really Cooks will delight both your senses and your palate. It is also available at Amazon or www.myepicuria.com.

Grumbles From The Keyboard: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Computer

Epicuria: An Adventure That Really Cooks!

The Old Tech from Microsoft gag!

“Good morning, this column is coming to you from Microsoft support. Your computer has been sending error reports and I am here to help resolve these issues. Please click on the Start Button and type the following into the space just above the bar. www.ammyy.xxx and when the window opens click on the green box that says run now. Thank you I have control of your PC. Look at all the errors. “Yes I am from Microsoft support and my name is Rashid, I’m sorry, I was reading my name tag upside down, my name is Mark.” Oh goodness, your computer is about to crash and all your valuable files gone, and gracious it appears that the computer has been hacked and all financial data has been stolen. I can fix everything and offer a one year service contract for only $299. Please read the numbers from your credit card. You’re American and you don’t have a credit card? Please read the routing numbers from your checking account so I can debit the account for the $299. What do you mean you won’t pay? I’ll make sure when you restart the computer it won’t start. Please sir/mam I work for Microsoft and you are using our operating system and if you don’t pay I will be forced to notify the police that you are using our product without our support. This is a world crime. So there!”

As ridiculous as the preceding paragraph sounds, folks are receiving phone calls that follow this scenario. Please print out this column and tape it to the monitor. Microsoft WILL NEVER CALL regarding the error messages that our binary buddy sends to them. They will use that information to determine if the problem is Windows based or not. If lots of computers report the same problem, Microsoft may create an update and send it out to every computer connected to the Internet to resolve the issue. If we receive a call from Microsoft hang up, or if bored, lead them on, tell them to repeat what they said, say the keyboard doesn’t work, or any other ridiculous thing we can think up but do not let them have control of the PC.

On the other hand, if there really is a problem, consider a local, as in your City not Manila, tech to help with a resolution. If having the work done remotely is important, it’s just as simple to fix a computer remotely from Punta Gorda, FL as it is from Bombay. Like and Share this column with everyone that might be gullible enough to fall for the “tech from Microsoft call.” Have them send it to everyone they know. Shop local.

For those wondering what will happen to their Windows XP machine now that April 8^th has passed and support for XP ended, nothing will happen except there will be no more Windows Updates. Microsoft will not expend anymore programming efforts to patch, plug or upgrade any part of Windows XP. XP will fade away as the older PCs move to the digital dump. However, because there will be no more updates, these older machines will become ever more susceptible to hackers and viruses. If still using XP change to a different browser than Internet Explorer 8 such as Chrome or Firefox.

Those of us that have recently purchased new PCs are probably being nagged to create recovery disks or USB recovery drives. Not a bad idea as a new set of recovery disks from the manufacturer is now running approximately $50 plus shipping.

Court Nederveld owns his own computer consulting and fixit service –Bits, Bytes & Chips Computer Services.

My Books:

www.epicuria.com

www.grumblesfromthekeyboard.com

 

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Just how scary is Windows 8.1?

It’s been just over a year since Windows 8 and it’s clone 8.1 made its appearance in my office and I thought I would pass along some tips and tricks for those that already have Windows 8, and for those still running the venerable Windows XP who will be facing the upgrade as these older machines click their last icon. Remember all Microsoft support ends for Windows XP on April 8^th, 2014.

Windows 8.1 boots faster than my Windows 7 machine and even a test machine running Vista with nothing loaded on it. Getting to the Metro desktop the first time around was a bit of a shock but as I maneuvered around and discovered some of its unique features it became easier to use. Of course in the beginning a click on the tile labeled Desktop brought up a very Windows 7 style desktop to comfort me.

For years we have clicked on an icon from the desktop or clicked on the Start button – All Programs and scrolled up and down looking for a specific program we want to use. Windows 8.1 Metro desktop doesn’t require any pointing or clicking. Just start typing the name of the program we want and the Metro desktop will display the icon for it.

There is a quick access menu available by using a Right-click in the bottom left corner of the desktop (or hold down the Windows key and press X) A text-based menu provides easy access to lots of useful applets and features: Device Manager, Control Panel, Explorer, the Search dialog, Run and more.

But if we liked the All Programs of operating systems past, we can approximate the same by finding a blank area of the Metro desktop, use a right mouse click and click on the tile for All Apps. This will present us a scrolling list of all the Apps we have loaded on the PC. Don’t forget, Windows 8.1 uses the word Apps in place of Programs as previous versions of Windows called them.

Windows 8.1 Apps open without displaying the traditional toolbars and close buttons previously seen. Not to worry, Windows suspends programs that are not in use when we open another program. However, if we want to close a program, we can move our cursor to the top of the screen where it will become a hand and then pull the window down to the bottom of the screen which closes the program. If we have a touch screen simply swipe our finger down from the top of the screen to the bottom. Of course we can still use the Alt-F4 key combination to close an active window or the Ctrl-Alt-Delete to bring up the Task Manager and close the program from there.

Windows 8 comes with Internet Explorer 10 and now is upgrading to IE11 and when launched from the Metro desktop is opened without borders or toolbars. A bit of a shock at first, but right mouse click on any blank area and options for switching tabs, Internet tools and other familiar features appear.

Windows 8.1, it’s not that scary.

Grumbles From The Keyboard: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Computer: Courtland Nederveld: 9781467985895: Books ISBN: 1467985899 ISBN-13: 9781467985895

Epicuria: An Adventure That Really Cooks!: Court Nederveld: 9781456561734: Books ISBN: 1456561731 ISBN-13: 9781456561734