The Old Tech from Microsoft gag!

“Good morning, this column is coming to you from Microsoft support. Your computer has been sending error reports and I am here to help resolve these issues. Please click on the Start Button and type the following into the space just above the bar. www.ammyy.xxx and when the window opens click on the green box that says run now. Thank you I have control of your PC. Look at all the errors. “Yes I am from Microsoft support and my name is Rashid, I’m sorry, I was reading my name tag upside down, my name is Mark.” Oh goodness, your computer is about to crash and all your valuable files gone, and gracious it appears that the computer has been hacked and all financial data has been stolen. I can fix everything and offer a one year service contract for only $299. Please read the numbers from your credit card. You’re American and you don’t have a credit card? Please read the routing numbers from your checking account so I can debit the account for the $299. What do you mean you won’t pay? I’ll make sure when you restart the computer it won’t start. Please sir/mam I work for Microsoft and you are using our operating system and if you don’t pay I will be forced to notify the police that you are using our product without our support. This is a world crime. So there!”

As ridiculous as the preceding paragraph sounds, folks are receiving phone calls that follow this scenario. Please print out this column and tape it to the monitor. Microsoft WILL NEVER CALL regarding the error messages that our binary buddy sends to them. They will use that information to determine if the problem is Windows based or not. If lots of computers report the same problem, Microsoft may create an update and send it out to every computer connected to the Internet to resolve the issue. If we receive a call from Microsoft hang up, or if bored, lead them on, tell them to repeat what they said, say the keyboard doesn’t work, or any other ridiculous thing we can think up but do not let them have control of the PC.

On the other hand, if there really is a problem, consider a local, as in your City not Manila, tech to help with a resolution. If having the work done remotely is important, it’s just as simple to fix a computer remotely from Punta Gorda, FL as it is from Bombay. Like and Share this column with everyone that might be gullible enough to fall for the “tech from Microsoft call.” Have them send it to everyone they know. Shop local.

For those wondering what will happen to their Windows XP machine now that April 8^th has passed and support for XP ended, nothing will happen except there will be no more Windows Updates. Microsoft will not expend anymore programming efforts to patch, plug or upgrade any part of Windows XP. XP will fade away as the older PCs move to the digital dump. However, because there will be no more updates, these older machines will become ever more susceptible to hackers and viruses. If still using XP change to a different browser than Internet Explorer 8 such as Chrome or Firefox.

Those of us that have recently purchased new PCs are probably being nagged to create recovery disks or USB recovery drives. Not a bad idea as a new set of recovery disks from the manufacturer is now running approximately $50 plus shipping.

Court Nederveld owns his own computer consulting and fixit service –Bits, Bytes & Chips Computer Services.

My Books:

www.epicuria.com

www.grumblesfromthekeyboard.com

 

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Just how scary is Windows 8.1?

It’s been just over a year since Windows 8 and it’s clone 8.1 made its appearance in my office and I thought I would pass along some tips and tricks for those that already have Windows 8, and for those still running the venerable Windows XP who will be facing the upgrade as these older machines click their last icon. Remember all Microsoft support ends for Windows XP on April 8^th, 2014.

Windows 8.1 boots faster than my Windows 7 machine and even a test machine running Vista with nothing loaded on it. Getting to the Metro desktop the first time around was a bit of a shock but as I maneuvered around and discovered some of its unique features it became easier to use. Of course in the beginning a click on the tile labeled Desktop brought up a very Windows 7 style desktop to comfort me.

For years we have clicked on an icon from the desktop or clicked on the Start button – All Programs and scrolled up and down looking for a specific program we want to use. Windows 8.1 Metro desktop doesn’t require any pointing or clicking. Just start typing the name of the program we want and the Metro desktop will display the icon for it.

There is a quick access menu available by using a Right-click in the bottom left corner of the desktop (or hold down the Windows key and press X) A text-based menu provides easy access to lots of useful applets and features: Device Manager, Control Panel, Explorer, the Search dialog, Run and more.

But if we liked the All Programs of operating systems past, we can approximate the same by finding a blank area of the Metro desktop, use a right mouse click and click on the tile for All Apps. This will present us a scrolling list of all the Apps we have loaded on the PC. Don’t forget, Windows 8.1 uses the word Apps in place of Programs as previous versions of Windows called them.

Windows 8.1 Apps open without displaying the traditional toolbars and close buttons previously seen. Not to worry, Windows suspends programs that are not in use when we open another program. However, if we want to close a program, we can move our cursor to the top of the screen where it will become a hand and then pull the window down to the bottom of the screen which closes the program. If we have a touch screen simply swipe our finger down from the top of the screen to the bottom. Of course we can still use the Alt-F4 key combination to close an active window or the Ctrl-Alt-Delete to bring up the Task Manager and close the program from there.

Windows 8 comes with Internet Explorer 10 and now is upgrading to IE11 and when launched from the Metro desktop is opened without borders or toolbars. A bit of a shock at first, but right mouse click on any blank area and options for switching tabs, Internet tools and other familiar features appear.

Windows 8.1, it’s not that scary.

Grumbles From The Keyboard: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Computer: Courtland Nederveld: 9781467985895: Books ISBN: 1467985899 ISBN-13: 9781467985895

Epicuria: An Adventure That Really Cooks!: Court Nederveld: 9781456561734: Books ISBN: 1456561731 ISBN-13: 9781456561734

Twas the Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house,

lights flashed on the tower and even the mouse.

The Webcams were ready, installed with great care.
In hopes that grandkids would be virtually there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads;
Mamma in her rocker, a tablet on her lap.

To check Santa’s route on Norads’ tracking map.
Last minute shopping, I knew it would matter,

Receipts from the printer were spit with a clatter.

The e-mails and texts began to beep and flash,
Away to the laptop I flew in a dash,
An e-mail from Santa, I pulled from the cache.

The sleigh was loaded, the springs sitting low
Boxes of computer games, only kids know.

Zombie Tycoon 2 for Tommy, Angry Birds for Sue,

Xbox, Wii, Playstation and Nintendo too.

Neither Mamma nor I had Santa forgot,

A wireless keyboard and mouse in the lot.

From a webcam mounted some far away place

An image so small, across the screen it did race.

What could it be I wondered, what would appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
I toggled the volume and turned it up loud

As his digital facade flew over the clouds

At the speed of Moore’s law his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Dell! Now, Gates! Now, Jobs and Wosniak!
On, Bezos! On Ellison! On, Hewlett and Packard!
To the top of the toolbar! The top of the screen!

Now pixels are changing, amazed by it all!

The picture expanded as closer he drew

His exact location surely only he knew.

But Google Street view offered a hopeful clue.

Just a click of the mouse, our house was in view.

With the sleigh full of downloads, upgrades and such

St. Nicholas too, might it be just too much?
The broadband was humming the router secure

A shiny new computer I’m sure will allure

Firewalls open for the jolly red elf.

Presents are coming, surely some for myself.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
A mystery for sure I pondered aloud.

Could Santa be real an answer I vowed.

An Internet search for the jolly St. Nick

“Santa Claus: could he be real” should turn the trick

Pages and pages of results did appear

To read them all might take ‘til Christmas next year.

My eyelids grew heavy then started to droop,

A short nap was needed so I could regroup.

Foggy and confused from my slumber I stirred,

“You’ve got mail,” from the speakers I heard.

An e-mail from Santa’s own smartphone it said,

A tight schedule barred his waking me he pled.

Presents for all under the tree he had spread.

Click here for a live video feed of the sled.

The digital image danced and sparkled bright.

Santa driving his sleigh on its magical flight.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

 

Grumbles From The Keyboard: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Computer: Courtland Nederveld: 9781467985895: Books ISBN: 1467985899 ISBN-13: 9781467985895

Epicuria: An Adventure That Really Cooks!: Court Nederveld: 9781456561734: Books ISBN: 1456561731 ISBN-13: 9781456561734

From the Horse’s Mouth!

Straight from the horse’s mouth. Go to the source. From the highest authority. We’ve all heard these sayings and know what they mean. Still we often rely on information that has no basis from which to draw valid decisions from. A good example is a client that wanted to open some Microsoft documents. Here is the result they achieved, “tried to install a program called Freely that was supposed to let me open any Microsoft Word or Works document. In doing so I have now installed a whole bunch of crap, among which was the Yahoo Toolbar and the Weather Channel. I have tried to uninstall them but to no avail. They are now not among the things I can uninstall but they still appear at start-up. How can I get rid of them now?

There is no requirement that a software company provide an uninstaller for their software. Legitimate companies do and the uninstaller module appears in Programs and Features, Windows Vista, 7 and 8, Add and Remove Programs in Windows XP. Semi legitimate programs often put the uninstaller module in the program folder in all programs and less legitimate programs will either provide no uninstaller module or provide what looks like an uninstaller module but when run it goes through some uninstaller like actions but leaves the crapware in place. Other sneaky programs will offer an uninstaller but the steps to uninstall the components are reversed from the normal process so the user takes actions to remove software but is in fact asking to keep the software in place.

When looking for software that does a specific function go to the source. For example, don’t have Microsoft Office or Works installed on our binary buddy? Surf over to Microsoft.com and search for a means of reading Word, Excel or PowerPoint files. In this case Microsoft provides file viewers, free of charge, for each of these types of files without crapware attached to it. Should we need to open and edit Word, Excel or PowerPoint files we can purchase Microsoft Office or download OpenOffice, a full office suite of programs, free of charge from openoffice.org or any number of open source productivity suites. Alternately, we can upload word documents to Google Docs, docs.google.com, and edit them online. This service requires we sign up for a Google account also free of charge. (Martha, he said my favorite word, three times!)

If however, we download and install a piece of software that we immediately realize was a mistake and it doesn’t offer an uninstaller module, we can perform a System Restore. This allows us to move the computer back in time to a date before the software was installed and it will be as if it never existed. Please note: System RESTORE not System Recovery. The former goes back to a date in time, the later puts the computer back to its factory condition and all is lost. Remember, the further back in time we try to go, more problems will surface with other programs requiring our attention.

Don’t forget this Gift Giving season to send a copy of Grumbles from the Keyboard to that computer challenged friend or family member. Hundreds of topics for the average  computer user.

Grumbles From The Keyboard: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Computer: Courtland Nederveld: 9781467985895: Books ISBN: 1467985899 ISBN-13: 9781467985895

And don’t forget that titillating read, Epicuria: Adventures that really Cook! Something different for the gourmand in the house. Makes a great Christmas gift.

Epicuria: An Adventure That Really Cooks!: Court Nederveld: 9781456561734: Books ISBN: 1456561731 ISBN-13: 9781456561734

Letters, we got letters!

That ripping sound is the old e-mail bag bursting at the seams. Let’s offer some solutions to various problems folks are having with their binary buddies.

Reader and Grumbles from the Keyboard owner Sue asks, “Is there a simple way to get Windows 7 to remember passwords and user ids?” To clarify, Windows 7 doesn’t remember usernames and passwords. Sue is referring to Internet Explorer remembering usernames and passwords to things like Facebook and other sites that require we log in. There are two areas to check if IE isn’t remembering usernames and passwords. Open Control Panel – Internet Options and under the General tab, verify that the box under Browsing History labeled Delete Browsing History on Exit isn’t checked. Then go to the tab labeled Content and under the section called AutoComplete click on the Settings Button. If we wish to use AutoComplete check the boxes for Address Bar, Usernames and Passwords on Forms and Ask me before saving passwords. Under these boxes is a button, Manage Passwords, where we can see the passwords that Internet Explorer has saved. We can also remove any passwords remembered here or click a button to remove all remembered passwords and usernames. These instructions are for IE9 – 10. IE8 for those still using Windows XP is very similar.

Column maven Dan scribes, “I notice on your website that you have written the book – Grumbles From The Keyboard. Rather than purchase it over the internet and mail it all the way to Canada, (Martha, it’s international!) would it be possible to pick up a copy locally in Punta Gorda?” There is a coffee shop in Punta Gorda called "The Bean on 41" that carries my book. They also have great coffee, sandwiches and pastries. 2705 Tamiami Trl, Punta Gorda, FL 33950 (941) 575-1212.

Faithful column follower Jake pens, “I was trying to find a presentation on the city’s website. I was told it had been added, so I looked for it. I have the site saved as a favorite. I hit the favorite and the site came up, but no presentation. I told them about it and they said it was there. I pulled up the site and again, still no presentation. Then I refreshed the page and the presentation appeared. Interesting that my favorite pulled up an old version each time.” Internet Explorer and other browsers presume that we visit the same websites over and over. In order to make the page appear quickly, they store or “cache” a copy of the page on the hard drive which they display if we return to a particular webpage. Browsers then attempt to download any new content to the page. Sometimes it doesn’t get new content. Using “Refresh” (or pressing the F5 key) forces the browser to download all content from the website as if we had never been there before.

Christmas is just around the corner and what better way to say, “Why don’t you learn how to use a computer?” than to give a copy of Grumbles From the Keyboard. Filled with tidbits, tips and tricks to make computer life easier.  Also available for your Kindle.  And don’t forget, with nothing but food on the tables for the next few months, try my cookbook for some old fashioned home cooking and one exciting story!

Grumbles From The Keyboard: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Computer: Courtland Nederveld: 9781467985895: Books ISBN: 1467985899 ISBN-13: 9781467985895

Epicuria: An Adventure That Really Cooks!: Court Nederveld: 9781456561734: Books ISBN: 1456561731 ISBN-13: 9781456561734

“He’s dead, Jim” (McCoy to Capt. Kirk)

There are inviolable laws in nature. Bad things happen to good computers. Bad things happen at the worst possible time. Recently I have seen an unusual flurry of dead hard drives, (Martha, that’s where all our pictures and stuff are stored.) Five dead drives and only one person had backed up their drive. Four of the  drives were unreadable and the data gone. We’ve all seen on TV how computer drives are recovered in minutes so how is that done?

There are many companies that offer data recovery services. All of them start out with a diagnostic of the drive to determine if any chance exists of recovering data. If they believe they can recover data, then a quote is given for the service. Because each drive condition, number of files to recover, difficulty of getting the drive to a readable condition is different, the cost will vary in every case. For example, using one of the drives I saw recently, I emailed a leading data recovery company to inquire about recovering several hundred photos and twenty documents. The company responded with an explanation and approximate cost to attempt recovery. They wrote:

“The first step is to get it in so we can run diagnostic tests on your drive to determine what is wrong and what we have to do to recover your data. There is no charge for the diagnostics. Once we complete the diagnostics tests we will be able to provide you with a firm price for recovery. You are looking at between $499 and $1899 if it is recoverable.” They also provided an outline of the steps they will take. “Our engineers will evaluate the precise condition of your media. Once the diagnostics is complete, we will provide you with an exact price to recover your data. We will request specific files from you to verify the integrity of the data. You will receive a final price for recovery and return media options.”

Reviewing several company’s offerings for data recovery the prices started around $300 and went up from there. That doesn’t mean a drive’s data can be recovered for $300, it means that the minimum charge will be $300 and we all known what minimum means.

Now that we have established that non-functioning drives MIGHT be recoverable at a price. Doesn’t it make sense to copy over critical pictures and documents to a flash drive, external drive, DVD or even use some of the FREE cloud services such as seven gigabytes of storage from Skydrive or five gigs from Google Cloud, Amazon Cloud or if using a MAC, iCloud? Need more space, online storage is cheap, not so recovery. Even more important, BACKUP means there are two copies, the original and the copy. A client called me to ask how to get his files back from his backup on an external drive. The drive wasn’t functioning so I suggested he just use the original files on the computer. He had erased them because he made a backup on the external drive. Confusing? He made backups of the original, then erased the original which made his backup files the originals without a backup.

Make a backup of this column and tape it to the monitor as a reminder.

This week for just for fun and giggles I have a special offer. Anyone purchasing my book Grumbles from the Keyboard (or how I learned to stop worrying and love my computer) during the week of 10/24/13 to 10/31/13 from this site www.grumblesfromthekeyboard.com ONLY, will receive in addition to an autographed copy of the book, a coffee mug randomly selected from a stock of mugs collected from various sources that currently sit in my closet. These mugs have no connection to anything, not specially made, but they do hold coffee or other beverages. Of course if the mug and the autograph have no interest, the book may be purchased from Amazon.com.

Grumbles From The Keyboard

And while you’re there, pick up a copy of Epicuria: An Adventure That Really Cooks! Find out how a geek, ties cooking and storytelling together in what may very well be a new genre.

Epicuria: An Adventure that Really Cooks!

 

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